I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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