the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
