I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
