I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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