I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
