i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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