i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
