dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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