ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
