I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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