and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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