i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
