Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
