Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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