so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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