tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
