I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
