I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
