Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize