Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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