Don't you send me to vm
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
