DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
