soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
