i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
