What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
