Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
