the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
