We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
