her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
