listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Barsexuality is the new black.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
