Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
