I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
