Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
