your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
