he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
