Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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