I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
