dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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