I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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