you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
