i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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