This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
