apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
