kristin has been a bad kristin
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
