fuck your aforementioned shoe
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
