he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
