thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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