I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
