It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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