I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
