Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
