I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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