my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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