Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
