I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
