She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize