my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
