i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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