so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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