i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She bit a glass in half.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
