***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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