You made me cry and you don't even care
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
