i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
