i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
