I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
