I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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