If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
