considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
