and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
this will be a night to untag.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
